People Talking About Me

Sunday - 22rd Dec 2024

I hate hearing people talk about me. I hate when people give me an identity. Honestly I hate a lot of things in general, but this is such a mild annoyance-esque displeasure to me. I don’t ever find it worth objecting against, or discussing or confronting, I just let it pass or smile, but it annoys me so a bit.

My whole life, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I could be described by a label. Its something I have been completely against since childhood. Vehemently against. Maybe its a thing that started as a kid and with the idea that “I’m special”, or “I’m different to everyone else”, thats probably where it takes its roots in, but it nags me so much. Labels are all a means of potraying yourself as something, I feel, potraying yourself as x or y when it reality you are such a complicated human being with a completely unique myriad of experiences, feelings, thoughts and values. The only times labels are good, I would say are in situations where you want to gaslight someone into believing you are something, because that something has benefits associated with it, that you could take advantage of right now. These benefits may inherently be good or bad things, doesn’t matter but you could take advantages of it right now.

For example, I played a lot of VALORANT at one point right? Did I ever like that to be my identity? FUCK NO. A lot of people use to refer to me as such: “gamer”, “nerd”, “pro gamer”, “geek”, as if thats all I ever was or was capable of. No, you are just lucky thats what I picked to do instead of the field you cared about. But the connotation was that, I wouldn’t really come out to hangouts as much, or be interested in doing what the ‘cool kids’ were doing really helped me, so as much as I disliked being associated with that identity to my face, (especially with people thinking I like to hear being referred to that way) but it really did help in avoiding alot of friends or hangouts I necessarilty didnt want to be a part of. So I use to really let it slide, a lot, sometimes even play into it just so I could get the “anti-social” identity and easily allow me to skip a lot of hangouts or invitations I believed were wastages of time.

Even today, I get put into a lot of these boxes. The only issue these days, is that theres barely any benefits I can make use of anymore. But yet, I don’t really dispute them, because they’re often done by elders I can’t really dispute. It would be disrespectful to them. I wish people would stop putting me in boxes, fuck all your labels. I am me, if you want to get to know me, feel free to do so, but please out of all your arrogance do not attempt to fit me into a box you’ve created in your head based on your limited experiences in the world and/or what you’ve experienced through other people (the labels you’ve consumed from other people).