The Last Year

Its been a long year. One whole year of working, office everyday, new experiences, friendships and so on. But things are changing, its felt like that for a bit now. The work is changing, the environment is changing, and I should be changing. I’m 23 years old, 24 next April. That is fucking incredible. Think about that. 24 years old. I never thought that I’d ever become this old. Its incredible really.

I want something different, I want to progress onto whatever is next for me iA. Its been a long time here, I have learnt a lot in the last year, and I have become a lot better in the last year. But the environment changing, plus having reached my goals, I think its officially time. Its time to take a position, and push through, instead of wallowing through a knee high flooded road, mindlessly, without any semblance of a direction, hoping to go where the flowing water from the rain will take me.

I think the final straw was a time-tracker, which uses bio-metrics. Incredible really. Not going to happen. The work is amazing right now though, working on a REAL codebase, so its about two months more, so I can reap the benefits. I’ve stopped giving a fuck entirely for a while though.

Thank You

I was told “thank you”, which is.. uhmm.. not really sure how to feel about that. The timing is perfect, I would want something soon, so do they, but what difference does it make. What is meant to happen happens, what isn’t wont. And I’ve been told by myself, and the world, the signs of the Almighty that this is not something that seems like it will happen. I’m open though. Its like a nice compromise in my head, for some reason. Thats not fair on anyone though, me or anyone else. But it just feels like letting go of something valuable that I could’ve had and wanted, and maybe will regret letting go of. The fact that I am who I am, is not a problem.

Degeneracy

I’m so tired of this city, I can’t understand. It’s not just this city though, the degeneracy is quite around me. I don’t understand how I never sensed it so close. I never was the one to peek, or prod, and I wish I could go back to that state far more than this. It was carefree, kind and humble. This current state, is far from it. It reeks of condescension, disgust and other things that usually come with that. Although it is based on a defendable foundation, the act itself, cannot be defended as it is divine, that it is not my duty. My duty would be to inform, if I don’t, I can’t sit here and feel good on my high horse. It’s not allowed.